i've been going through some of my old photos and i found photos of a surprise party my friends threw for me for my 15th. all the sudden i just felt like the luckiest girl in the world. I really appreciate everything i have. i have such great friends that are funny, caring, and smart, they seriously are the most amazing people i've met in my life.

i can go on and on and on forever about the people i love and appreciate the have in my life! my family, my friends, my dolls, my whatever whoever.

i hope these people i love will stay by me forever and ever

<3>

also today field day was really fun!

but i lost my voice ):

Been a while

It's been a while since i posted on my blog.

I have to admit i sort of forgot about my blog ): i'm sorry bloggie~

School started, and its pretty hectic a lot of things happening with homework, inside my family, and myself.

Life's crazy

sims 3

"The Last Lecture", a required reading for the whole upper school in TAS is an amazing book, but i think just watching the randy pausch give the lecture was even more interesting. You could not tell the man giving the speech was dying, he was upbeat, optimistic and energetic. With ten tumors in his liver, i really don't know how the hell he does it. all i can say is, he is amazing.

reading his book, i learned that he was closely tied with something to do with virtual world programming. He worked in Electronic Arts, a game company that made so much great virtual games! like SIMS 3!! after reading "The Last Lecture", i decided i needed to play this game hahhaha.

one thing that i lvoe about this game is that they make life seems so easy. If you're sad or stressed, all you have to do is take a hot bubble bath, watch tv, or read a book. If you're hungry you pull something out of your fridge. Might i say, it was also so easy making new friends, and flirting with hotties! I know i sound a little creepy, but oh! how i wish my life was that easy, just basing everything thing on a little bar measuring my happiness. I wish my happiness was so easily felt.

well i still figuring out the features in sims but i guess i just really envy my sim for having everything so easy.

school?

i can't believe school i starting in less than 2 weeks.

time flies by way tooo fast, to me it doesn't even feel like summer yet!

): ? ? ? ??? !?!? (: i dunno what to feel!

excited? sad?

maybe i should just go sleep??

smoochie

dear smoochie,

i'm not much of a crier. and this past summer has been amazing wonderful, and fantastic!

you have no idea how much i will miss you. i have to admit i wasn't sad at all because i was convinced something might happen and you guys will stay. i'm always in a state of denial when i know that someone is leaving or is gone; and i guess i truly struck me at 5 when you logged off chat that you were leaving.

i knew you were going to the airport, and going to a new place, to start a new life. and i'm very excited for you! i'm sorry hAHHA for callingn and crying on the phone, i konw it must be SUPER awkward, but that would probably be mah last true goodbye, because it felt like one.

i'm gnna miss you sooso much, and i'm so glad i had this whole summer to hang and get to know you even better. you're funny, but serious when you have to be. you can always make me smile, or give me good advices. you really are a great friend, you always will be

im alwayz gnna remember you~ i hope you remember your friends back in Taiwan

keep in touch

pwn chicka pwn

, your baobei

black cat

i knew having a black cat run across your path meant bad luck. but i wonder how long it takes for the bad luck to kick in. well just yesterday, while i was jogging on the school track, and small black kitten darted across the track right in front of me. naturally i was a little freaked out but i guess i convinced myself nothing would happen, and nothing did.

however today, i can say would be the worst day ever.

on my way to my summer class, i spilled steaming hot spaghetti over my legs, and onto my mom's car. not only do i have a stinging burnt thighs, but an angry mom. i probably would have to pay my mom for the cleanup fee of the car as a punishment.

psat class was extremely boring ):

and after i went for a run, i could barely manage to sprint a lap

and.. after i headed over to my friend claire's house, but took the wrong bus, and went all the way up a hill, so i had to walk down and walk to claires house.

and i found out mah friend claire is leaving ):

best day ever!

john locke

my favorite character in LOST +++ speed painting?

perfect combo.

i wish, OH I WISH i can do this too!

i just dun like what they did in the end, but the rest is just amazing.

Via: Video Blog

photography

Both my photographer friends David, and Nicole are simply amazing.

Photography lemme tell you is no easy thing. And i guess what made me write this is because I just went through both their flickr.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/nicole-lee/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/david-yu/

and you'll know what i'm talking about.

recently my trip to the states had led me to buy my own film camera, Holga 120N. I'm still playing around with it, my first set of films came out a total failure, which was really disappointing but i'm hoping that my second set would be much more successful (:

heres my holga, i spent a couple of hours decorating it~ hahaha i guess cause i was EXTREMELY bored.

this is also one of the photos david took (: the other one is on his flickr check it out!

finally

so i've been staring at my sad lil' blog looking at how ugly and plain it looks.

and then i looked at the blogs of other people, they made it all seem so nice! so i've decided. nope, it's time for me to change my layout!

i'm hoping mabye i can use my summer productively and learn how to use adobe dreamweaver, but S: looks a bit complicated!

sumer soo far so good!

FIFA '10 exciting as ever! GO SPAIN!!!!! i'm love with Casillas, Real Madrid's goalie he is amazing + hot + amazing goalie(:

i'm guessing i'm rooting for a country i dont have any relation to is because ghana beat usa ): stupid ref made that bad call or else the game would've been very different!

back pain

i'm finally back in taiwan. all i can say there is no place like home.

as much as i love America, i still feel as if Taiwan is the place where i truly belong. however, the first few days i spent in taiwan isn't as great mainly because after coming back from the states, i started suffering from severe back pain.

it wasn't as bad at first, just a little soreness, but after a few hours, the pain started really sinking in. Hour by hour i felt as if there was a knive stabbing and wrenching around in my spine, and then i could barely stand or sit upright. my shoulders started to feel the burden and then my neck, and soon i couldn't even lift my head without feeling as if my neck might snap off. all i could do to relieve the pain was just lying on my bed. i tried explaining to my mom how i felt, but she couldn't understand. all i could was beg my dad to bring me to a chiropractic.

its kind of hard to explain what chiropractors does, but heres what they did when i went to the doctor. click here. it was a bit scary at first, but after he did it for me, my back felt a lot more relieved. however he told me my muscles around the spine were already damage and thts the most he can do is the pop the bones back to its place. right now my back still hurts, but i can go a lot longer and feel less stress.

writing about this made me feel a lot better, and i hope i pray to god everyday for the pain to go away, and hopefully it will. because i want to enjoy my summer, instead of dealing with this pain ):

the alchemist

..."It's this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's greatest lie."

--- The Alchemist (Paul Coelho)

Even though you might feel as if your life is spinning out of control, and even though feel as if theres no hope, giving up and thinking fate will take over is wrong. If you give up, and lose the will to fight you ultimately lose. All I have to say is, your life is in own hands and you shape your own lifes, never think that whatever happens to you is because of fate, you have only yourself to blame.

i know this may sound self contradicting as i am always the one who says let fate decide, but life changing decision? no. you don't let fate decide, because you decide yourself.

las vegas

so updates on my whereabouts to whoever that cares (:

i'm in las vegas, nevada!! whoohoo the sin city, well not really a sin city for me since i dont drink, or gamble. but even though im not drinking or gambling, i've been doing so much!

So i've bene staying at this hotel called Bellagio, and almost every night i go watch shows in las vegas, in the morning i got sight seeing and all.

these are the places i went:

Hoover Dam & Lake Mead

Hoover Dam, is hoover dam, one of those places you juts have to see for yourself to know what people are talking about.Lake Mead, the man made reservior created by the dam is also amazing. It is so big, bigger than hong kong!! anyways i love feeding the fishes of the lake hahaha, its fun watching them fight for a little piece of bread.

Cirque du Soliel

So Las Vegas is famous for their great shows, and one of the greatest performers are by cirque du soliel. hoepfully you guys all know about this great group, for those who dont know, google it. Anyways the two shows i watched were 'O' and 'Ka', tommorw i would be watching 'Mystere' so excited! Basically all the shows by Cirque du Soliel is an entertainment group that performs with a mix of cirucs and street art. So they do a of things you would see in circus performance, with dancing, singing, and also great live music played to go along with the show. Anyways the 'O' (my favorite), is said to be the best show in Las Vegas, and after watching it i knew why, it is also the only theatrical show in las vegas performed in water. The cast consists of old Olympian stars (note the name 'O'), which was what i think that made the show even more fun and meaningful to watch. I can go on and on forever telling you guys about the show, but i'm too lazy. for that hehe. Next is Ka. Ka is a story about two royal twins where their family got ambushed and killed. They were seperated and they both fought through hard obstacles, and finally united. What i love about the Ka show was its 360 degree rotating stage. The rotating stage added to an interesting element to the show. I'm looking forward to tommorows show! Mystere ~

Grand Canyon

Today i went to check out the Grand Canyon. amazing. I rode a helicopter down to the colorado river, where i then took a boat trip down the river. It was the most peaceful place ever. It was also very clean! Unlike all rivers now, the colorado river was really clean, America does a great job in keeping nature as it is! I love the grand canyon, and i was so happy i pushed myself to ride the helicopter because i was a worthwhile trip. The grand canyon is one of those places you just have to see once in your lifetime!

(: time for bedd!!!

san fransisco

just three days ago i was literally half dead everday haha, cause of jetlag. Jetlag is always the part i hate about traveling, the long airplane ride, the crappy airplane food, and the time difference you have to deal with after. it's been almost three years since i've last been to the US, and i'm so glad i have this chance to come here again!

two days ago i went to check out UC Berkeley, a pretty nice university, and just yesterday i went to check out Stanford. I have to say its the most amazing university/college i've ever seen. No words can describe it's beauty, i loved it so much, everything about stanford is perfect, the campus, the food, the people, everything.

The trip to stanford motivated me to work harder, and made me realize to get in such a prestigious school takes a lot of hard work. I guess maybe aiming for stanford is a bit too high for me, but i'm going to try my best, get the best results in highschool, and at the same time have fun, and enjoy every minute of it! (:

will miss you

i haven't posted in a while, i guess cause exams were in the way, and i was too busy to find time to post. today i checked my grades, and i'm really happy with the results, i really have to say, studying makes a real big difference!

first things first i'd jsut like to say sorry to my bestest friends that i didn't hang out with today ): i'm really sorry, and i want you guys to know that i will miss you guys so much.

Right now it feels as if i will still see you tmrw, we will still have our weekly friday dinner, sat hangouts, and sun photoshoots. but i know that when school starts you guys aren't going to be there anymore and probably by then the fact that yo uguys are gone will start t osink in. and ihate it.

i'm going to miss you guys a lot a lot a lot!

i hope everything goes well for you guys in taft! cause ya'll awesome folks.

one picture a thousand words so here is:

how can we not miss both of them??

i love you guys so much! && gonna miss you guys a tonn !!

heres a lovely photo of them though~ took me quite some time to find this gorgeous photo, as you know they like taking photos like the one ^ there hehehe.

love you guys so much

till you cross the finish line

I often find myself stopping right in front of the finish line rather than mustering the strength to push through. Everytime the end is in sight, i never have the will to even take a step to make a final closure. It happens to me at almost anything i do, and i hate myself for that. In tests, i would finish the test, but i'd be too lazy to double check, or read through the answers. In races i would start slowing down a meter before i reach the finish line. And right now, studying for the last exams of the year, i simply want to just give up. In my mind i kept screaming "who cares, whatever!", but another faint voice tells me "try your best, it's your last exam do your best and then you can relax."

By spending those extra minutes in double checking you answers, you could save yourself 5% of your test grade. By pushing yourself and running your fastest till the end you can run faster by seconds. By pushing yourself in studying for that last exam can pull you grade from an A to and A+. This is what i need to learn, your will and persistence always wins, if you give up on yourself even before you finish then you ultimately lose.

just 2 more days of exams to go~ hopefully i can finally cross that finish line.

sleep, dreams, paralysis

Sleep paralysis, lemme tell you, is not funny, or cool. It is freaky to the max. Words cannot describe the fear i felt when i was going through my first sleep paralysis. i thought i was dead, and i am not exaggerating. It was one of those dreams where you dream yourself falling, but when you're so close to hitting the ground you snap up. However this one night i remember falling and waking up finding myself stuck. I couldn't move, I couldn't breath, my eyes were half open and half closed. It was horrible. I wanted to scream, but i couldn't even open my mouth, i was just stuck. I was sweating and struggling, it felt like hours! It was as if there was an unseen force sitting on my chest, and pushing my whole body down against the bed. At first I was scared, and i panicked, then after a while i started getting angry and annoyed. I struggled so hard until finally one of my arms broke free, i quickly pinched myself really hard on my thigh and my whole body was back to its mobility. I am going to stop here. you can google sleep paralysis if you like. (:

Next thing i want to talk about is dreams. I use to believe good dreams means you're lucky, and bad dreams means you're unlucky. But when i was in 4th grade someone told me what you dream is not based on luck, but is based on your own mind.

I'm going to start ranting but here it is and keep this in mind. you can agree or disagree. but when you have dreams, you think about what is going to happen next, subconsciously, or consciously (conscious dreams are called lucid dreaming, yes i just learned that today). After all it is human nature to predict, or make estimated guesses about the future. In my dreams (lucid ones) I often catch myself in dreams thinking of what is going to happen next, making guesses in my head, and usually what i predict or think about happens in my dream. This happened to me so many times that i finally figured your will dreams to go the direction you want it to go. Your dreams can turn from one of your sweetest dreams to your worst nightmare. Or from you worst nightmare to your sweetest dreams.

I know i'm ranting like crazy about dreams and sleep paralysis, but these are things i feel so strongly about. Your dreams really reflect who you are, how you feel, or/and how you think. I'd like to think optimistic people dream happy dreams because what they think whether in reality or in dreams are always always brigther and happier. So be happy and optimistic if you want good dreams HAHAH (:

listening

I find myself in a world where people are so wrapped up in their own problems sometimes they simply don't give a crap about what you think and how you feel. That is what i use to think of people as a whole, self absorbed self seeking, selfish in general. I guess i was sort of a mild misanthropist. But i realized that this world isn't full of selfish people, in fact there are so many people out there who dedicate their lives for the greater good of the society, and they never get recognized. it's not he recognition they're looking but its the great rewarding feeling they get during and after they finish their service.

I learned this through the two years in blind school. sometimes on a friday night the last thing i needed is to deal with disabled children who i need to repeat myself countless times to get my point across. i hated myself for sometimes falling asleep in my class, or getting annoyed at my student because i was simply to tired and irritated. but in the end of the day, i felt accomplished and i felt rewarded because i didn't spend my friday night playing tetris, farmville, or watching southpark at home, but i spent my friday night teaching those that are visually impaired. I felt rewarded because i spent my friday night doing something productive, and something that benefited others, and not just myself.

I really look up to my students, though they are blind, nothing stopped them from doing what they wanted to do. They sing, they dance, they play sports just like we do, sometimes they do it even better than us. They fall in love, they get jobs and they raise their own family, they are just like in many ways, and in many other ways they are better than us. They are the perfect examples of those who live their life to the fullest, and those who never give up.

i can say that i learn more than i have taught my students, thankyou my students or shoulod i say my teachers? haha.

*sorry about bad grammar, its an issue in writing i've been battling for a verrryy long time ):

exams

i'd just like to say screw you.

its been a nice day today, but i guess its ruined because i woke up at 9 pm got scolded by my mom, and i'm studying math.

go people just a few more days of suffering and we can enjoy ourselves in summer!

加油! 加油!

overposting??

exams next week but i feel absolutley NO motivation to do any work. what is wrong with me? i'm so tired, and bored, i just can't wait till summer is here.

god bless my soul, i need icecream now

jia you

i felt great after my first post, its almost as if a huge weight was lifted off my shoulder, and i feel completely ready to face the exams coming up next week, but i forgot to say something to my dearest friend, maxine.

maxine i love you very much, and i hope you know that.

i konw you're going through a hard time, and i know you're coping with it really well, a and i'm soo proud of you (:. i just want you to know even though i told you ten gazillion times that i will always be here for you! and be strong. i'm sorry when you cry i dont hang around, simply because i feel very nervous when people cry, and i dont know what to say or do. And i'm sorry that i can't give you any helpful advice, simply cause i really dun have any expierence in the troulbes you are going through, but if you ever need a hug i'm here, and if you ever need me to draw grafitti, to game with you, or to just sit and chill just gimme a call! you konw my number

jia you! its hard times for you but after the exams you will have plenty of times to think things through and work things out. i'll be with you every step a long the way!

love you lots

me, myself and i

I've been wanting to start a blog for a very long time but I never had the courage to. As weird as this may sound, i'm terrified of what people think of me. This fear of what people think of me stopped me from expressing my own feeling, stopped me from thinking for myself, and over the years i realized i lost my voice, i lost my own identity.

this blog is for me to learn to express myself, to learn to not care what i think others think of me, but simply learn to be myself, and learn to face my feelings. To my friends i'm always happy, ditsy, shallow person (i think?) partly its my fault because i act that way, but by being happy, and always laughing is the only way i learned to hide my feelings. Because by laughing so much you eventually convince yourself nothing is wrong, in fact you make yourself forget what is wrong, but deep down you will always have the unshakable feeling that something is amiss. Even to my closest and best-est friend i find it hard to tell her what i feel, or what i'm thinking, that's how hard it is for me to open up, because i'm scared she'll judge, even though i know she's the last person that would judge me (hopefully (: ) . This is the reason i named my blog opening up, for me to learn to open up, for me to let my mind roam, and not to scared about what others think. All the emotions i bottled up inside all these years i'm gonna let it all go and restart.